Rules of Engagement in Conflict--Rule #2

      Since it's obvious conflict arises out of two sides with opposing views, the question becomes how can we express our views without the situation becoming contentious?  Unfortunately, far too many people have not yet mastered how to disagree with another person without becoming angry or ridiculing the other perspective.  When we feel too strongly about our own beliefs, we close ourselves off to hearing and considering anyone else's.  This is wrong.  This attitude will cause conflict to be destructive.  Thus, the need to address the second rule.

            Rule number two is this:  Respect the other side’s opinions.  You don’t have to agree with them, but everyone deserves the chance to be heard.  To ignore, discredit or disregard another side of an issue is to practice arrogance and dominance.  The two behaviors complement each other.  To dominate does not allow for acts of humility, thus you can't dominate another person's opinion without also practicing arrogance.  To dominate in this instance means you think of yourself more highly than others.  You seek to control other people's opinions and ideas.  You act as though you matter more.  You're arrogant whether you see yourself as such or not.  Arrogance doesn't permit other people to contribute.  Everything has to be your way.  At least that's the way it'll come across to others.  "Now wait a minute", you say.  "I'm not arrogant.  I hear other people out."  But do you really?

            Think about how you listen.  Is it to take into consideration what the other person is saying or is it to counter?  Oftentimes, people will hear another person's viewpoint, but they're only listening to find a way to discredit it.  They aren't often taking into consideration the different opinion as another alternative.  They are looking for ways to prove themselves right and to find cracks in the other person's position.  Therefore, consider your motives behind your effort to accommodate the other side.  Are they sincere?  Are you really respecting the other person's point of view?  If not, remember this:  the best way to engage another individual in a time of conflict when hearing their viewpoint is not to denigrate it, but to respect that they are entitled to one.  And even though you don't have to agree to it, it's more important to listen to it--with respect.