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Showing posts from May, 2014

Rules of Engagement in Conflict--Rule #10

     Rule of Engagement in Conflict #10 calls for all of us to stop the tit-for-tat interactions that are common in disagreements--especially in marriages.  If someone says something to you about yourself that you don't like, the most common response is to point out to that individual that they do similar things.  Instead of stopping to digest what has just been said, our natural response is to get defensive if we have not trained ourselves to be accepting of other people's opinions of us.  We say, "Yeah, but you..." and the other person fires back with the same.  Next thing we know, nothing's getting resolved, and no one is holding themselves accountable for their behavior.  It is easy to point a finger at someone else without considering the legitimacy of what the other person is saying.      Let's face it--it's hard to hear less than glowing remarks about our actions.  We'd like to think we do almost everything right, and somehow it's the ot

10 Signs That You Lack People Skills

I am often amazed by how many people work in jobs or serve in some capacity where their priority is supposed to be the needs of other people, and it is clear they are not people-focused.  They are in customer service, at the check out counter, in supervisory positions, in ministry, healthcare, and other places that require they help those around them.  They fail miserably and have that perplexed look like they don't understand what went wrong when people complain.  If this is you, well, let me help you out.  Below are ten signs that you might lack people skills: You think of your needs first before anyone else's.  Those who are people-focused will put other's needs ahead of their own when appropriate.  I'm not suggesting people should deny themselves in order to please others, but if an opportunity presents where a more immediate need arises, the one who has people skills will try to find a way to help the other person first.  Those who practice this skill best wil

Rules of Engagement in Conflict--Rule #9

     The one thing I can say with certainty about humanity is that we love to judge one another.  We have no qualms about looking at what other people do and then voicing our opinion about it.  Our opinions are largely derogatory unfortunately.  Gossip abounds and is viewed negatively by almost everyone, but it's like a sickness without a cure.  We are compulsive with it.  It is a habit that is hard to break because the lines are blurred between speaking about the things that people do that aren't right, and complaining about what people do that we don't like.            In a disagreement, telling people that they are the problem will and does escalate an already volatile situation.  Any statement where one person is passing judgment on another will surely spark ire in the accused party.  Therefore, rule #9 in the Rules of Engagement in Conflict is to take judgment out of the conversation.   Statements like, “the problem with you is” or “if you hadn’t…” or “it went wr