10 Signs That You Lack People Skills

I am often amazed by how many people work in jobs or serve in some capacity where their priority is supposed to be the needs of other people, and it is clear they are not people-focused.  They are in customer service, at the check out counter, in supervisory positions, in ministry, healthcare, and other places that require they help those around them.  They fail miserably and have that perplexed look like they don't understand what went wrong when people complain.  If this is you, well, let me help you out.  Below are ten signs that you might lack people skills:

1. You think of your needs first before anyone else's.  Those who are people-focused will put other's needs ahead of their own when appropriate.  I'm not suggesting people should deny themselves in order to please others, but if an opportunity presents where a more immediate need arises, the one who has people skills will try to find a way to help the other person first.  Those who practice this skill best will anticipate other people's needs and meet them before they are even asked.
2. Your tone and word choices don't consider other people.  When you speak and offend others regularly, it might be because you haven't thought about how hard your words land when you throw them at the other side.  People-focused individuals will at the very least ask themselves:  "If I say this, how will it come across to the other person?"
3. You are not sensitive to what matters to other people.  A friend's low life boyfriend has finally broken up with her.  Secretly you're elated because you never liked the jerk in the first place.  If you have people skills, you will find a way to be empathetic at a time when your friend is in pain.  If you lack people skills, you'll likely say something like, "Good riddance.  I don't know why you put up with him this long!"
4. When you see an opportunity to be helpful but you aren't.  Oftentimes in the workplace, there is a coworker on the team who has fallen behind but does not ask for assistance for some reason.  You can see where this thing is not going to end well for her, but you do nothing.  You essentially feel like that's her problem so she needs to fix it.
5. When you'd most rather be by yourself than with a group or crowd.  This sounds a lot like being introverted, but people who lack people skills aren't necessarily introverted.  Introverts can hang with crowds, but probably for a shorter amount of time than an extrovert (they won't stay until you tell them they have to leave like extroverts) and not as frequently (happy hour every Friday with the office crew might be a bit too much).  The one who lacks people skills doesn't want to be a part of the group for selfish reasons.  They can't be the center of attention and monopolize the conversation or they may feel some people in the group are "too sensitive" so they stay away.
6. When you are generous but not nice.  People give to causes all the time just to be generous.  Perhaps you were asked by a coworker or family member to contribute, and you do.  But you have a nasty streak that comes out without a lot of provocation.  You give to a cause out of obligation rather than compassion.
7. When collaboration is exhausting.  Those who are not people-focused tend not to do well collaborating.  They may feel forced into working on a team because of a special project, but they don't necessarily want to.  It is a chore.  They will likely rub people the wrong way because of a negative attitude, rude talk or a disappearing act that leaves everyone else feeling like they've been disregarded and left holding the bag.
8. When you are more interested in receiving credit for hitting a goal rather than giving recognition to people that helped get you there.  Oftentimes, when an individual is not focused on others, they are focused inward.  They are concerned for self primarily, and they pay attention to only what will benefit them.  They are not willing to share success with other contributors.
9. When getting tasks done is shown more importance than people's needs being met.  When you are a leader and are more concerned about day-to-day operations getting accomplished but you neglect that a parent wants time off to attend a child's graduation or pick up a sick kid from school or miss a day to attend training, you are not people-focused.
10. When you have a hard time showing empathy for someone who is in crisis.  You see people's issues as their own and you "don't want to get involved".  You may say, "I feel bad that happened to him, but that's not my problem."

Do you have others to share?  Add to this list or comment on any of the ten above.