Talk Ain't Cheap

     From the Christian bible, there is a verse that says in part, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  Since I'm big on diplomacy and tact, this scripture resonates emphatically with me because it challenges us all to think about what we are hiding in our hearts.  If our words reflect what our heart holds, then is our heart loving and optimistic or is it hateful and negative.  Are we harboring revenge, and its spewing forth in language that destroys another person's reputation?  Or are we hopeful for someone else's success; therefore, our words about them are encouraging and helpful?               In this present day, words have been used to create division among entire groups of people, not just individuals.  We are wielding them like a reckless drunk with a gun in a crowded venue.  We say them without a lot of thought, or if we are thinking, those thought...

        The world and its pressures can get to be too much for every one of us at times.  Regardless of how we try to stay positive, there are issues that will cloud our thinking and our mood at some point.  The mind triggers psychological, physical, and emotional pain.  The power of the mind is often underestimated, and because we don't always know how to control it, we lose the battle to stay up.  But there are ways.  Rather than bemoan our issues, we can and should encourage ourselves.  We can't depend on anybody else to do it because everyone is dogged by their own individual challenges.  People don't generally have a lot of reserved energy to give to someone else so how do we do it for ourselves?  It starts with the stories we create and tell in our own hearing.  We're really good at telling the horror stories, but what about the stories of triumph?  Since you create them, they can be whatever you...

     I was studying the Bible today because part of my life is spent as a Bible student and Sunday School teacher.  I enjoy reading it because of the many life lessons it holds.  Today's scripture has everything to do with communications.  And since this is a communications blog, I will refer to the verses I read in it just like I would in any book where I find something worth repeating.  In the book of James, chapter three, James is talking about talking--specifically cursing, lying, gossiping, boasting, and a bunch of other things we say that we shouldn't.  These behaviors are born out of one small part of our bodies that we all lose control of along with our brains at varying points in our lives.  But when we lose control, we amass large amounts of grief for ourselves and others.           Beginning at verse three, he describes this failure of ours.  "When we put bits into the mouths of...

     Jasmine sat at the restaurant table anxiously awaiting her blind date.  She had been set up by her cousin Ava with Ava's coworker Jason.  Ava had described him as a guy who was smart, hard-working, and fun.  Jasmine had grown weary of the dating scene since most of the guys she'd gone out with lately were shallow and boring.  She was looking for a fresh approach and interesting conversation.      Jason walked up to her table and introduced himself with a smile.  She immediately felt his warmth and thought this one might actually go better than all the rest.  The conversation started easily enough, but Ava felt a shift in the energy between them after about 15 minutes.  She couldn't figure it out, but she felt Jason cool down a bit.  Eventually the conversation became stilted, and Jason seemed disengaged.  Finally he asked her a tough question.      "Do you like yourself?"...

    So Cam Newton had a bad day Sunday.  It happens.  But his bad day has turned into a bad week because of his actions at a press conference following his loss in Super Bowl 50.  It's been controversial, to say the least, since there are people who empathize with the MVP's behavior after a tough and painful defeat and others who think he behaved badly after walking off in the middle of a press conference .  Regardless of what side you're on, there are lessons to be learned in communicating when under duress.  Cam can learn them and so can the rest of us.  If I had to coach him in how to handle those difficult moments, I'd recommend the following:      1)  Slow down.  Take a deep breath and then express your emotions honestly.  No doubt about it, Cam came into the Super Bowl feeling confident he and the Panthers would go home with the trophy.  He was absolutely right in thinking that way.  Afte...

     Sometimes apologizing is like trying to cough up a fur ball.  I don't know what that means exactly because I don't own a cat.  But I imagine it must be like having something tasteless, dry, and suffocating wedged in your throat.  Those who struggle with forming the words "I'm sorry" feel it would be better to choke them down than cough them up.  Why?  Oftentimes, it's because they don't want to be wrong.  Apologizing is an admission of "blowing it" on some level.  Regardless of the size of the infraction, someone or something has gotten hurt, or at the very least, inconvenienced in some way.  An apology says, "I am wrong".  Some people don't accept that they make certain mistakes so rather than own them, they blame others or excuse their behavior.  You've heard it:  "That wasn't my fault.  If he hadn't done this, I wouldn't have done that."      Another reason why apologizing seems ...

        "You're always late."      "You never have anything nice to say about anybody."      "Are you ever organized?"      These statements are absolutes.  Statements like these ought to ALWAYS be avoided in conflict situations.  The previous statement was one of the few appropriate times you could use words like "always" and "never".  The appropriate times are very few.  Therefore, they should be avoided as often as possible.  Here's why:  most of us are rarely always doing anything or never doing something.  To make such a claim is likely false, and people hate to be lied to or lied on.  To make a blanket statement about someone's behavior--especially if that statement is largely negative--is to create conflict or add to it.  Think about it:  you rarely do anything all the time.  There are few things we never do, but they aren't usu...

     In the last post, I mentioned watching your tone.  I'd like to expound upon that recommendation a bit because it's one of the biggest complaints I get from people regarding communications problems.  Therefore, let's establish the next rule:  the sixth rule of engagement in conflict is to consider the tone you set when engaging in discussion.  Conflict arises from people feeling offended by the way they are handled by other people.  The leap from being direct and being perceived as rude is not a large one.  A short, gruff response to a simple question could set off a nasty exchange if one person finds the tone offensive.  Oftentimes, direct people don't realize right away how they sound to others.  Sure, they know they're direct because they've been told so by people they've offended somewhere along the way.  But they don't realize when they've crossed the line until they're already over it.  Here's something ...