Talk Ain't Cheap

    Trust seems to have gone missing these days in almost every aspect of society. The value of it in relationships has been taken for granted, and many people have a wait-and-see attitude about trusting others. There are those who say, "I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to", and there are others who say, "I'll trust you when you prove you're trustworthy." It takes a very long time to get people to a level of comfort where they can let their guard down and be less judgmental about a person's integrity. However, once trust is broken--and it can result from a single egregious act--it may never be restored. Even if it is, it's not likely to make it to full restoration. There's likely to be the barrier of a small amount of lingering doubt along with the memory of the pain felt from the betrayal.  So what needs to happen to weld together a new relationship. The old one has been damaged so something new must happen. Thre...

     From the Christian bible, there is a verse that says in part, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  Since I'm big on diplomacy and tact, this scripture resonates emphatically with me because it challenges us all to think about what we are hiding in our hearts.  If our words reflect what our heart holds, then is our heart loving and optimistic or is it hateful and negative.  Are we harboring revenge, and its spewing forth in language that destroys another person's reputation?  Or are we hopeful for someone else's success; therefore, our words about them are encouraging and helpful?               In this present day, words have been used to create division among entire groups of people, not just individuals.  We are wielding them like a reckless drunk with a gun in a crowded venue.  We say them without a lot of thought, or if we are thinking, those thought...

       Choosing to listen while in a conversation is not a passive effort.  Making the choice is an action that is thoughtful and vital to the life of that communication.  To listen well requires concentration.  It requires tuning in and removing distractions that compete for the listener's attention.  As much as we know this, it is difficult to do.  Many of the distractions that cause us to tune in and out several times in a given conversation come from within our own minds.  We have this constant murmur of chatter going on underneath the discussion in which we're engaged.  While someone is speaking, we're responding to their comments silently; formulating opinions in our minds that we can't wait to share.  We're not totally listening; we're just waiting to reply.  Even worse, in some cases, we're not even permitting the speaker to finish their thought.  We interrupt with our often not-so-well-thought-out opinio...

     Greta took a 360-degree survey at the suggestion of her boss.  In an effort to get her to see herself through the eyes of others, she needed to know how she was performing as a leader.  The survey would allow her to compare how she saw herself to how her boss, peers, direct reports, and "others" saw her.  Greta rated herself as open and inclusive.  She felt like she invited people's input and was sociable and encouraged dialogue.  But when she looked at the feedback from her raters, she was shocked by what she saw.      Her direct reports saw her as anything but inclusive.  They rated her low in areas like "being open to input, showing diplomacy" and "creating a positive environment".  Greta thought she was doing a great job in making her team feel like she valued them and their opinions.  She had no idea other people didn't see her the same way.  She wanted to talk to her team and find out why...

    So Cam Newton had a bad day Sunday.  It happens.  But his bad day has turned into a bad week because of his actions at a press conference following his loss in Super Bowl 50.  It's been controversial, to say the least, since there are people who empathize with the MVP's behavior after a tough and painful defeat and others who think he behaved badly after walking off in the middle of a press conference .  Regardless of what side you're on, there are lessons to be learned in communicating when under duress.  Cam can learn them and so can the rest of us.  If I had to coach him in how to handle those difficult moments, I'd recommend the following:      1)  Slow down.  Take a deep breath and then express your emotions honestly.  No doubt about it, Cam came into the Super Bowl feeling confident he and the Panthers would go home with the trophy.  He was absolutely right in thinking that way.  Afte...

"Jeri's a great manager.  Just ask her.  She'll tell ya." Feedback from others is priceless.  If we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to receive it, we can hear valuable information that can help us transform into the people we ought to be or who we never thought we could be.  But we don't ask.  And why not?  Because we are afraid.  Why are we afraid?  Because we tend to think greater of ourselves than we ought, and anytime anyone sticks a pin in our inflated view of us, we get upset.  Just ask Jeri. Jeri is the director of an organization in which I was called to coach because she had created a hostile environment for herself and her team.  I discovered that she had distributed a survey to her staff to find out what kind of job they felt she had been doing as their leader.  Apparently, she thought she was doing a fine job and went in feeling confident that they would agree.  But when the results came...