Skip to main content

MEN: How to Listen to a Woman in 4 Easy Ways

     So fellas, I know you may feel at times that women are an emotional mess of disjointed thoughts, endless chatter, and crazy impulses.  Some days you have the patience to listen to your wife, mother, boss, girlfriend or some other female in your life, and then there are days that you just don't want to be required to respond to anything she says.  I get it.  So let me help you out.  There are four things you can do right now that will help you in communicating better with females, and it all involves listening.
     1)  Don't try to fix everything she brings to you.  Yes, she wants to come to you and complain about issues at work or in the family, but her intentions are not always to have you throw out some hard-nosed solution.  Sure it may make perfect sense to you to tell your wife that she needs to tell her sister she doesn't have the sense the Lord gave a turnip and that's why men use her, but don't say it.  Women aren't always coming to men for solutions or their opinions.  Sometimes we just want a sounding board.  You'd do well to just sit and listen, nod a few times, throw in a "you're absolutely right" or "what would you like to see happen", and the conversation will go much better.  CAVEAT:  Be careful not to be patronizing.  Most of us are pretty smart, and we'll know immediately if you're just pacifying us!
     2)  Listen with your eyes.  When she is talking to you, don't look distracted. Give her your full attention.  Let her know you're interested in what she has to say even if you're not.  What you're saying to her is that she's important even though you feel what she's saying is not.  By showing her that you are willing to hear what she has to say, you're also saying you value her input, she matters and so do her comments.  The benefit to you is that depending on the setting (work or home), she may finish talking sooner because now she feels heard.  And if you've got a bright lady in front of you, it would do you well to pay close attention.
     3)  Don't interrupt her when emotions are high.  Let her get her feelings out in the open because women are at the very core sensitive beings.  We were created to be nurturing, compassionate, and emotional so that we can be mothers to offspring who in turn will possess some of those same qualities.  That's how we continue the pipeline of love in the world.  I get it that not every woman is a mother and not every mother is nurturing and loving.  But the majority of women yield to their special design, and they put more compassion out in the world than what's withheld.  And we do live in a world that's lacking compassion and sensitivity these days.  With that in mind, if she is upset, interrupting her will only worsen the situation.  Cutting her off will only make her repeat herself or start from the beginning again.  You want to end this thing if you want to act like a leader (even if she's the boss).  So let her speak.
     4)  Don't ask her to repeat herself over and over again.  This point complements point number two.  Showing a female that you're listening is one thing, but ACTUALLY listening is quite another.  By tuning in to what she has to say, you prevent that awkward moment of having to ask her the same thing she's already explained to you at length when you weren't listening.  Sure, you caught a word here and there to give the impression that you were tracking along.  But the minute you come back and ask something that she's explained before (and she knows exactly what she said to you and when), then she now knows you weren't listening.  That bumps you back to point three, and trust me, you don't wanna go there!

Popular posts from this blog

He Said, She Said

It seems like everywhere we turn today in the news, there are accusations being made between men and women.  Those accusations are of a serious nature and are costing people on both sides in life-altering ways.  Sexual misconduct and abuse, physical abuse, and gender bias are among the many claims being made mostly by women against men.  These men are usually in positions of power.  Therefore, they are in a prime position to commit the crimes and bad behavior they are accused of without a lot of resistance initially from their victims.
     But something has happened lately.  What was once too shameful to speak about out loud is now front and center for all the world to see.  What was perpetrated behind closed doors has now been shoved out in the open by a chorus of voices saying it happened to #MeToo.  One of the difficult angles in these revelations is how the rest of us receives these stories.  Many people without hesitation take sides with the women who are accusing the men.…

Taming the Tongue

I was studying the Bible today because part of my life is spent as a Bible student and Sunday School teacher.  I enjoy reading it because of the many life lessons it holds.  Today's scripture has everything to do with communications.  And since this is a communications blog, I will refer to the verses I read in it just like I would in any book where I find something worth repeating.  In the book of James, chapter three, James is talking about talking--specifically cursing, lying, gossiping, boasting, and a bunch of other things we say that we shouldn't.  These behaviors are born out of one small part of our bodies that we all lose control of along with our brains at varying points in our lives.  But when we lose control, we amass large amounts of grief for ourselves and others.

     Beginning at verse three, he describes this failure of ours.  "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. …

Words That Heal (Especially After That Big Loss Last Night)

If you stayed up late last night to experience the end of the big College National Championship game, you saw a nail biter and a fantastic finish.  For those of us who didn't have a team in the fight, it was pure entertainment.  But for the Georgia students who fought in that battle and lost, it was a bitter pill to swallow.  They likely woke up this morning feeling like they were having a hangover.        Any sports fanatic will tell you that a loss to the team is also a loss for them personally.  They feel similar (not necessarily the same) pain as the players even though they haven't stepped a foot out, in or on the field, court, track or pool.  It stings pretty badly.  Even though Alabama won this time, they know all too well what it feels like since they experienced the same defeat last year against Clemson.      So how do you get  past the pain?  What can you say to assuage those melancholy feelings that stick around for the next few days and even months?  These qu…