Skip to main content

Listening WRONG

     Have you ever had an occasion when someone asked your opinion about something, and before you could finish responding, they cut you off?  Right smack-dab in the middle of your statement, they start talking like you haven't uttered a word.  Remember how frustrated you felt?  Maybe not the first time, but around the fourth or fifth time, you're done.  Either you're escaping the conversation physically or you've tuned out altogether.  After all, why do you have to contribute?  The individual seems to be having the conversation all by himself.  That's listening wrong.
     Listening wrong is not the same as misunderstanding what someone said or misinterpreting what you thought you heard.  That would require thought.  Most wrong listening comes as a result of not thinking about what's being said.  An example is trying to multitask while someone is talking to you.  Yesterday, I instructed my nine-year-old daughter to remove the lid from the pot if she should hear it boil over while I was in the bathroom.  I didn't want to turn the heat down because I would only be gone for a couple minutes, and I needed to get dinner finished.  She cooks with me on occasion so I felt comfortable she could do something as simple as turn down the heat and remove the lid completely if she heard the contents boil over.  While I was giving her these simple instructions, she wouldn't take her eyes off the television.  So I said what every parent says:  "Are you listening to me?"  Of course her reply was as automatic as my phone ringing everyday at 6 p.m. with calls from telemarketers:  "Yeah, I heard you."  So I said what we all say:  ""Then what did I say?"  She finally looks from the TV and says, "You said if the pot boils over, put the top on it."  Wrong listening.
     Take time to give people your undivided attention to make sure you are processing all that they are saying.  If it's only going to take a minute, then you're not losing anything major in the grand scale of life.  In fact, you might be saving yourself a big headache by tuning in.  Carelessly tuning out can cost you in ways you'd rather not pay.  So here's a bit of advice to save yourself some hassle:  since listening is a choice, choose to listen.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Talk About Race: A Panel Discussion

How to Listen Without Judgment

       Choosing to listen while in a conversation is not a passive effort.  Making the choice is an action that is thoughtful and vital to the life of that communication.  To listen well requires concentration.  It requires tuning in and removing distractions that compete for the listener's attention.  As much as we know this, it is difficult to do.  Many of the distractions that cause us to tune in and out several times in a given conversation come from within our own minds.  We have this constant murmur of chatter going on underneath the discussion in which we're engaged.  While someone is speaking, we're responding to their comments silently; formulating opinions in our minds that we can't wait to share.  We're not totally listening; we're just waiting to reply.  Even worse, in some cases, we're not even permitting the speaker to finish their thought.  We interrupt with our often not-so-well-thought-out opinio...

The Communication That God Hates

     The book of Proverbs describes six things that are detestable to God.  Right off the bat it lists "haughty eyes" (arrogance) and a lying tongue .  Farther down lying is mentioned again in the list so that it looks like there are seven things.  But actually, it is reiterated that God hates lying.  Verse 19 says, "a false witness who pours out lies..."  Apparently, God abhors lying so much it has to be mentioned twice.      Well, I'm willing to bet that you don't have to be a Christian to detest lying also.  If you've ever been the target of someone's lies or witnessed someone intentionally deceiving someone, you know how hurtful it can be.  I remember when elders used to say if you lie, you steal; if you steal, you kill.  Meaning, one bad action leads to a worse action.  Since I blog about communications, this is one pitfall in our conversations that should not be overlooked.  Is it common sense...