I've been asked my opinion on what I think of people not responding when you contact them. This is a source of frustration for many, including me. Since this is a communications blog, I believe that a lack of response is an important part of communication. Therefore, I will address it.
Most of us can agree that we are inundated with information from the time we rise in the morning until we crash into bed at night. We are mentally drained from the multitudinous contacts we get daily. Unfortunately, we don't want most of them. They often come unsolicited. And truth be told, we find ourselves just as guilty of the same. But sometimes it's unavoidable--especially at work. To combat the unwanted messages, we've all resorted to handling them the same way--ignoring them. We don't always respond to email, voice mail, snail mail, texts or calls. Sometimes we think we'll be able to get to them at a later time, but we never do. Thus, we've essentially ignored people. Other times, we just don't care enough about the sender to respond so we don't. Let's take a look at why ignoring is unacceptable in most situations.
Consider the invitation. It is misused in a number of ways. You send invites and you receive them. There are responsibilities on both sides, but let's look at the recipients since the onus of responding is on them. 1) If you receive an invite from someone you know, make sure you respond to it. Not responding is just plain rude. An invitation doesn't mean you have to attend the event. It simply means you're being asked to be present. Some invites will say "Regrets Only" which means only contact us if you can't make it. If you don't respond, then the host is expecting to see you. If you're not going, then be courteous and let the host know so that she can plan accordingly. 2) If you say yes, then honor your commitment. And it is a commitment. When you agree to go, plans are made to include you. Never say yes and then don't go. You are putting the host in a costly planning situation.
For example, I can remember when I use to host dinners with doctors in the pharmaceutical business. Usually my dinners were in very nice restaurants whose per person charge could easily amount to $100 or more per person. If I invited 15 docs and all said they would show, then I had to give a head count to the restaurant with that number. Once confirmed, I am expected to cover the cost of all 15 attendees. When one or two didn't show, I was still required to cover the cost of those individuals. That would be $100-$200 wasted, and that's irresponsible. Consider the people who were kind enough to invite you. Don't waste their time or money by carelessly agreeing to a commitment you can't keep.
3) If you are invited to an event, the invitation was sent to you. Unless it says "and guest", don't bring one. Don't even ask to bring one. If the host wanted another person besides you to show, it would have been indicated on the invite. 4) If you heard about a party but didn't receive an invite, then most likely you weren't invited. Therefore, don't go around asking others if they were invited. Don't call the host and ask why you were not invited. That's awkward and discourteous. Don't take it personal unless there's a reason you should--like your behavior was so bad at the last event that you're on the toxic "avoid at all cost" list. These aren't just rules of etiquette. These are proper communications methods. There's a time to respond in these situations, and a time to stay quiet. Make a wise choice.
Consider email. This is a pet peeve of mine since my preferred method of communication is via email. I don't have a lot of time to talk to people by phone so a quick email is sufficient. I find it very rude when I send an email and get no response. I've heard the same from participants in my training classes. Usually it's from within the office that colleagues and coworkers will choose to ignore each other. OK, I know what you're thinking. "I get 400 emails a day. I don't have time to respond to every one of them." I get that. That's why prioritizing is key. Prioritizing doesn't mean ignoring people's requests. It means taking care of the most important ones first, but eventually getting to the others in a timely fashion. Learn time management techniques to help you get there, but it's unacceptable to disregard a request just because it seems unimportant to you. If it requires action, then take the action. Even if that action is to say "no thank you" or "I'm not interested". This does not apply to unsolicited sales contacts. We all get far too many of those to answer.
Consider voice mail. The same rules apply. When you're listening to a person's voice in your message queue, prioritize your phone messages the same way you would your email messages. Unless it's a "no-priority" call like charities asking for money, sales people trying to sell you something you don't need or want or someone with no agenda that just wants to chat, you should make every effort to follow up when a request is made. As a sales professional, I don't mind when a prospective client tells me no. I can handle a "no". I just hate the silence. I don't expect a stranger who I'm cold calling to call me back. But I do expect anyone I've sat down with and had a lengthy conversation to return my follow-up call. Especially if they are the ones who asked that I call them back. It's rude to make the request then disregard it when it happens.
Bottom line--we have a responsibility to respond when we have a relationship with the caller, and the situation isn't irrelevant. It might not be priority, but it's not insignificant either. Remember these three things: Be respectful. Be responsible. Be responsive.
Most of us can agree that we are inundated with information from the time we rise in the morning until we crash into bed at night. We are mentally drained from the multitudinous contacts we get daily. Unfortunately, we don't want most of them. They often come unsolicited. And truth be told, we find ourselves just as guilty of the same. But sometimes it's unavoidable--especially at work. To combat the unwanted messages, we've all resorted to handling them the same way--ignoring them. We don't always respond to email, voice mail, snail mail, texts or calls. Sometimes we think we'll be able to get to them at a later time, but we never do. Thus, we've essentially ignored people. Other times, we just don't care enough about the sender to respond so we don't. Let's take a look at why ignoring is unacceptable in most situations.
Consider the invitation. It is misused in a number of ways. You send invites and you receive them. There are responsibilities on both sides, but let's look at the recipients since the onus of responding is on them. 1) If you receive an invite from someone you know, make sure you respond to it. Not responding is just plain rude. An invitation doesn't mean you have to attend the event. It simply means you're being asked to be present. Some invites will say "Regrets Only" which means only contact us if you can't make it. If you don't respond, then the host is expecting to see you. If you're not going, then be courteous and let the host know so that she can plan accordingly. 2) If you say yes, then honor your commitment. And it is a commitment. When you agree to go, plans are made to include you. Never say yes and then don't go. You are putting the host in a costly planning situation.
For example, I can remember when I use to host dinners with doctors in the pharmaceutical business. Usually my dinners were in very nice restaurants whose per person charge could easily amount to $100 or more per person. If I invited 15 docs and all said they would show, then I had to give a head count to the restaurant with that number. Once confirmed, I am expected to cover the cost of all 15 attendees. When one or two didn't show, I was still required to cover the cost of those individuals. That would be $100-$200 wasted, and that's irresponsible. Consider the people who were kind enough to invite you. Don't waste their time or money by carelessly agreeing to a commitment you can't keep.
3) If you are invited to an event, the invitation was sent to you. Unless it says "and guest", don't bring one. Don't even ask to bring one. If the host wanted another person besides you to show, it would have been indicated on the invite. 4) If you heard about a party but didn't receive an invite, then most likely you weren't invited. Therefore, don't go around asking others if they were invited. Don't call the host and ask why you were not invited. That's awkward and discourteous. Don't take it personal unless there's a reason you should--like your behavior was so bad at the last event that you're on the toxic "avoid at all cost" list. These aren't just rules of etiquette. These are proper communications methods. There's a time to respond in these situations, and a time to stay quiet. Make a wise choice.
Consider email. This is a pet peeve of mine since my preferred method of communication is via email. I don't have a lot of time to talk to people by phone so a quick email is sufficient. I find it very rude when I send an email and get no response. I've heard the same from participants in my training classes. Usually it's from within the office that colleagues and coworkers will choose to ignore each other. OK, I know what you're thinking. "I get 400 emails a day. I don't have time to respond to every one of them." I get that. That's why prioritizing is key. Prioritizing doesn't mean ignoring people's requests. It means taking care of the most important ones first, but eventually getting to the others in a timely fashion. Learn time management techniques to help you get there, but it's unacceptable to disregard a request just because it seems unimportant to you. If it requires action, then take the action. Even if that action is to say "no thank you" or "I'm not interested". This does not apply to unsolicited sales contacts. We all get far too many of those to answer.
Consider voice mail. The same rules apply. When you're listening to a person's voice in your message queue, prioritize your phone messages the same way you would your email messages. Unless it's a "no-priority" call like charities asking for money, sales people trying to sell you something you don't need or want or someone with no agenda that just wants to chat, you should make every effort to follow up when a request is made. As a sales professional, I don't mind when a prospective client tells me no. I can handle a "no". I just hate the silence. I don't expect a stranger who I'm cold calling to call me back. But I do expect anyone I've sat down with and had a lengthy conversation to return my follow-up call. Especially if they are the ones who asked that I call them back. It's rude to make the request then disregard it when it happens.
Bottom line--we have a responsibility to respond when we have a relationship with the caller, and the situation isn't irrelevant. It might not be priority, but it's not insignificant either. Remember these three things: Be respectful. Be responsible. Be responsive.
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