Direct--Not Rude

     In almost every training class I conduct, there is at least one person who admits that they're direct in the way they communicate.  They know it because they've been told so, and I'm willing to bet that it wasn't meant as a compliment.  Most often when an individual is informed that their communication style is direct, it's because they've offended someone in some way.  But direct doesn't have to mean rude.  There are huge benefits in being direct.  When done right, this style of communication doesn't waste time but gets straight to the point, is extremely helpful in its feedback, and puts the speaker in a position of strength.  When done inappropriately, it will undo all of those and comes across as insensitive and abrasive.
     So how do you turn your direct style into a useful means of communication?  One way is to think about what you'll say before you blurt it out.  Ask yourself, "How will this come across to the person I'm talking to?" and "What words am I about to say that could be taken negatively?"  For example, if I have to tell a friend she did a poor job in giving a speech that she was proud to deliver, I could say directly, "You need to work on that speech some more because you had some real problems throughout it."  If I thought about it first, I would recognize that using words like "real problems throughout" and "you need to" when giving feedback could pose some challenges.  If the individual went in proud of the job she was about to do because she'd worked hard on it for a long time, she's got a lot invested in that performance.  Whether she's happy with the outcome or not, my feedback can keep her motivated to continue to improve or it can discourage her enough that she'll quit and never try again.  Therefore I could be just as direct and say with a bit more tact, "I know you've worked long and hard on your speech, and it showed.  If you were to give that speech again, here are a couple of things I recommend you do differently next time..."  This kind of feedback removes judgment.  It doesn't raise alarms with words like "problems", and it doesn't sound accusing.  It supports the person's hard work and steers her in a different direction that may help her improve.
      Next week, we'll expand on this topic and discuss the idea of "tactful" talk.  Share your comments below if you struggle with being tactful or too direct, and please share this blog with anyone you feel would like to improve their communications.