You've likely been in a conversation or at least overheard a conversation where one person talked and talked and talked or continuously interjected their opinion at every breath taken by the other side. You've probably been in a training class and heard one particular participant constantly have something to say every time the facilitator asked a question or tried to move on with a point in the training. You found it annoying and no doubt so did the other people around you. Yet, the individual seems clueless that they are monopolizing the discussion. Everybody in the room wants to say, "Just shut up already!"
Facilitators like myself have to work harder in these instances to maintain control of the room. We know that the other participants are looking to us to keep order so that they can get something out of the precious time they're spending in a training class--sometimes classes they've paid for themselves. Out of politeness, most people--whether a trainer or just the person who's on the other side of the conversation with a monopolizer--feel like they have to use tricks to quiet the person or to overcome their assertiveness. This takes a lot of mental energy while still trying to concentrate on what we're teaching. Therefore, it becomes frustrating. But rather than have us go through psychological manipulation to protect the monopolizer's feelings, the monopolizer needs to understand this one thing: your domination of any verbal exchange is a display of arrogance. Yes, arrogance. That might seem harsh, but here's what I mean.
A person who constantly offers their opinion unsolicited is acting as if they have all the answers. They are the proverbial "know-it-all". If this could be you, listen up. Any time you feel you should assert your views when no one has asked you, then you are acting like everyone else wants to hear what you have to say. You believe that your views are important above everyone else's. In fact, you show it when you hardly give anyone else a chance to speak. And even if they do get a word in edgewise, you may counter what they say just so your opinion is heard even louder (not necessarily in volume but in value). You have to prove your point or share your experience or highlight your perspective. If you're in a training class where the facilitator may throw a question out to the audience, you are usually the one who has to say something even if other people have already contributed. Even the content of your contributions are all about you and your beliefs. They are usually self-serving and self-centered.
Arrogance in this instance says "Look at me. I have an opinion on that and that and that, and I'm going to tell you about it. I'm going to tell you about me. I'm going to tell you about what I believe. I'm going to tell about how your statement applies to me. I'm going to tell you about my experience with what you just shared. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell, I'm going to tell."
So here's some advice: (Yes it's unsolicited, but it's not about me, it's about you.) Try humility. Stop for a minute and consider that you don't have all the answers. And even if you believe you do, no one else cares. When they ask you directly for your opinion, then offer it. If it is in an open forum, then refrain from offering too much. Consider the other people in the room and that they have something to contribute as well. Give them an opportunity to share. You may be surprised to find that other people are wise and intelligent too, and you may actually learn something if you just take the focus off of you and listen for a change. Pass it along.
Facilitators like myself have to work harder in these instances to maintain control of the room. We know that the other participants are looking to us to keep order so that they can get something out of the precious time they're spending in a training class--sometimes classes they've paid for themselves. Out of politeness, most people--whether a trainer or just the person who's on the other side of the conversation with a monopolizer--feel like they have to use tricks to quiet the person or to overcome their assertiveness. This takes a lot of mental energy while still trying to concentrate on what we're teaching. Therefore, it becomes frustrating. But rather than have us go through psychological manipulation to protect the monopolizer's feelings, the monopolizer needs to understand this one thing: your domination of any verbal exchange is a display of arrogance. Yes, arrogance. That might seem harsh, but here's what I mean.
A person who constantly offers their opinion unsolicited is acting as if they have all the answers. They are the proverbial "know-it-all". If this could be you, listen up. Any time you feel you should assert your views when no one has asked you, then you are acting like everyone else wants to hear what you have to say. You believe that your views are important above everyone else's. In fact, you show it when you hardly give anyone else a chance to speak. And even if they do get a word in edgewise, you may counter what they say just so your opinion is heard even louder (not necessarily in volume but in value). You have to prove your point or share your experience or highlight your perspective. If you're in a training class where the facilitator may throw a question out to the audience, you are usually the one who has to say something even if other people have already contributed. Even the content of your contributions are all about you and your beliefs. They are usually self-serving and self-centered.
Arrogance in this instance says "Look at me. I have an opinion on that and that and that, and I'm going to tell you about it. I'm going to tell you about me. I'm going to tell you about what I believe. I'm going to tell about how your statement applies to me. I'm going to tell you about my experience with what you just shared. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell, I'm going to tell."
So here's some advice: (Yes it's unsolicited, but it's not about me, it's about you.) Try humility. Stop for a minute and consider that you don't have all the answers. And even if you believe you do, no one else cares. When they ask you directly for your opinion, then offer it. If it is in an open forum, then refrain from offering too much. Consider the other people in the room and that they have something to contribute as well. Give them an opportunity to share. You may be surprised to find that other people are wise and intelligent too, and you may actually learn something if you just take the focus off of you and listen for a change. Pass it along.
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