Skip to main content

10 More Rules of Engagement in Conflict



Hopefully you've had an opportunity to read the first ten Rules of Engagement in conflict on this blog.  They are explained in depth.  But here are ten more to round out the list.  They are as valuable as the others and are sure to squelch any disagreement that could escalate into a full-on war of words.  Try these:

 11.  Avoid sarcasm.  It is condescending and sure to annoy the other party.  Just be straight in your answers and leave the judgment out of it.

12.   Look the person in the eye.  Show interest, not disdain.  Eye contact means you're paying attention to what they're saying and actually considering their perspective.

13.  Watch your body language.  No big threatening gestures or pounding on tables.  No slamming doors or throwing items.

14.  No interrupting the other person while they’re speaking.  We get so caught up in trying to assert our point, that we don't realize we're denying the other person the opportunity to express theirs.  In that regard, we're not looking to resolve anything, we're looking to force our opinion as if it is the only one that matters.

15.  Stick with the issue at hand.  Don’t go back and rehash old arguments.  It is so easy to go round and round trying to push an issue, to never let things go, to never yield.  Some people can keep disagreements alive for years.  Learn to be a peacemaker.

16.  Always look for solutions.  Don’t just argue without an end in mind.  Be a problem solver.

17.  Choose your battles carefully.  Everything doesn’t require an argument.  Learn to be agreeable and compromising.  You can’t always have everything your way.

18.  Don’t bring other people into your argument—figuratively or physically.  And don't let anyone bring you into theirs.  Fight your own battles and let other people fight theirs.

19.  Listen for ways to avoid making the same mistakes that lead to an argument.  Commit to making a change in your own behavior before correcting someone else's.  Listen to what other people tell you about certain habits you have that cause issues for those around you.

20.  Ask questions rather than make accusations.  For ex. “Why did you say that?” and "What do you mean by that?"



And here are three bonus tips:
1.  Be willing to apologize.
2.  Don’t hold grudges when the disagreement is over
3.  Adhere to these rules.  They don’t work unless they’re followed by BOTH parties.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Stop Interruptions in Conversations

     So you're sitting in a meeting, and you begin to answer a question that has been directed toward you by your boss.  You get through about half of your response when a colleague jumps in and offers his take and essentially silences you.  There is evidence that if you are a woman, this will happen to you more often than if you are a man, and it's likely to happen to you by both genders.      Interruptions in communications like this happen all the time whether you're in a group offering your opinion or one-on-one sharing a story.  Regardless of the setting, we all find it annoying and rude.  These disruptions of dialogue hamper thought processes, contribute to misunderstandings, and devalue people's input.  So what do we do when they keep happening to us?  A few worthy suggestions can be found in Kathryn Vasel's article,  "Next time someone interrupts you in a meeting, try this" .      But what...
1 comment
Read more

Crude and Rude Are Sooooo Unnecessary

     They call them trolls.  If you've ever read the feedback or input from online readers regarding newsworthy stories, you'll find that somewhere along the way some idiot will say something so tasteless and vile that you wish you were close enough to smack them one good time across the head.  I don't often call people idiots.  I think it's a cruel word, but in this case, there's no other way to describe them.  Well, there is, but I'm too much of a lady to use that kind of language.  However, you can feel free to use your imagination.  They're called trolls for all the reasons the word exists.  The main one is because they troll the comments sections of news stories and make awful remarks in an effort, I believe, to get a rise out of others commenting on the story.  The more controversial the topic, the more you'll find them.  They are crude and hurtful.  They will blame the victim even if that victim is a dead child...
Post a Comment
Read more

What It Means to Speak Truth to Power

     "Speaking truth to power" has become a common phrase to use when speaking about truth and/or power in a discussion that encourages courageous discourse on controversial matters.  It is an old phrase coined back in the 1950s by the Quakers and is defined as "a non-violent political tactic, employed by dissidents against the received wisdom or propaganda of governments they regard as oppressive, authoritarian or an ideocracy." (Wikipedia)      I've heard it overused in a lot of ways and not with a clear purpose in its meaning within the context of what was being spoken.  We latch onto certain words and phrases as language goes in and out of style on almost a monthly basis.  In this current generation, there seems to be a new word or phrase created daily and then abandoned when they become overused like worn out sneakers from last year's fall collection.  But words have staying power even if you get tired of hearing the...
Post a Comment
Read more