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Taming the Tongue

     You don't have to be a bible reader or believer to know that the following statement is true in the book of James:  "...but no man can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."  Seem a little strong?  Not really.  It's one of those hard truths we don't like to face.  As much as we like to think we can control what we say, many of us fail at it.  We don't often think before we speak, and that lack of forethought has ruined many a relationship.  How many apology tours have you seen in the media these past few years with notable people having to smooth over some ill-spoken statement based on their biases?  How many celebrities have had to make nice with GLAAD because of some homophobic slur or with some minority organization because of racially charged words toward a particular ethnic group?  It happens regularly because the tongue seems to take on a life of its own.  And with the ubiquitous use of cameras and social media these days, one can hardly get a word out without someone taping it and posting it along with their own commentary to spark a flame.  Oh, and by the way, James references that as well:  "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."  One word, one comment, one off-the-cuff remark, and suddenly there is a firestorm of calls for your head on a platter.
     Adlai Stevenson once said, "Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them."  We've established that words have power.  When you consider that words have declared war and also peace, an announcement of a marriage and also divorce, birth and also death, hope and also despair, a hiring and a firing, and all other manner of good and evil, we know that they bring us both great joy and great pain.  So knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it are essential skills in being a competent communicator.  When we lack those skills, we find ourselves promptly embarrassed by a wild and unwieldy tongue.
     Therefore, keep these three things in mind to save yourself from having to choke up an (insincere) apology:
  1. Speak from intellect and not emotion.  Most often, people get into trouble because they say something out of how they are feeling at the time.  If they are angry, they blurt out a response or reaction without much thought.  However, if they stopped for half a minute and thought through what they were about to say, they'd probably refrain from speaking out of the emotion they were feeling at the moment.
  2. Plan your response ahead of time if you know the topic is sensitive.  Words are hard enough to choose when you have time to think.  To speak on something that is volatile without preparation is like jumping out of a plane for the first time with no instructor.  You are in free fall without a clue as to how to get yourself out of that mess.
  3. Practice self-control.  There will be times when you are tested.  Knowing how to react under pressure comes only by going through challenges mentally a few million times so that you are not caught unawares.  Using verbiage that can neutralize situations or soften harsh comments are the mark of a skilled speaker.  Become one today.

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