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Who Wants to Listen to You?

     Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and they were talking a lot but saying nothing?  At least nothing you wanted to hear.  The content was superficial, the attempt at humor was weak, and fumbling around for the right words was distracting.  You've been there--trying desperately to make a way of escape.  Don't get me wrong.  Shooting the breeze is cool.  I'm all for it.  Nobody's in any particular rush.  The scene is laid back.  Maybe you want to engage in mindless conversation because you've been thinking too hard and too long all day at work.  So a little friendly banter or casual discussion is perfectly acceptable.
     However.  When you find that nearly all of the conversations you have with certain people lack substance and are downright boring, then you search for ways to avoid or skirt them.  Especially when you're short on time.  You go in another direction at work.  You immediately start constructing excuses in social settings.  You ignore their calls when their number pops up on your cell or home phone ID screen. 
     Now consider this:  what if you're the person others avoid?  Have you considered whether your conversation is something in which others would want to indulge?  Do you have enough meaningful things to say so that people will stop and engage you in interesting discussion?  Here are a few actions you could take to add depth to your discourse. 
  1. Increase the value of your conversations by keeping up with current events.  Therefore, read!  Check out your local and national news to find out what's happening around you and in the world.  Have an opinion about controversial topics, but make sure you can support what you believe by studying both sides of an issue.  Don't just say assault weapons ought to be banned.  Be able to speak concretely about why you feel that way.  If you have to debate the issue with someone who disagrees, you can't just parrot what you've heard others say.  Be able to defend your position.
  2. Talk about topics that interest other people.  Don't just drone on and on about the things you like.  For example, I can probably stand to hear somebody talk about the stock market for about 20 minutes.  Then I'm done.  It's a dry and technical topic.  You're going to lose me past that 20-minute mark.  Therefore, find out what's important to me, and balance the conversation with topics I like.
  3. Say things that are helpful and positive.  All of us have an ample share of hardship in our lives.  No one is exempt.  Not one.  Therefore, if I already have my own problems, what makes you think I want to hear all about yours?  It's okay to commiserate, ask for feedback or take into account another perspective.  But if the bulk of what you talk about every time somebody encounters you is your struggle against this force or that one, then people are going to scatter or cut you short.
 We'll talk about body language next time, but pay attention to those nonverbal cues.  If people always seem too busy to talk to you, you might need to change your conversation.

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