Talk Ain't Cheap

Marcia sat and reflected intently on her direct reports’ assessments of her leadership performance.   She’d taken the unusual and risky step of giving her team permission to provide feedback to her about her management style.   She promised them no repercussions for their honesty, and she assured them if there was consensus on any behavioral issue, she would consider making changes.   Initially, her team was reluctant to share.   She found this odd since she thought she’d created a culture of transparency and candidness.   Eventually five of the eight came forward and shared their observations.   Much to her surprise, she heard words like “overbearing”, “pushy”, “blunt”, and “demanding”.   They said everything but “micromanager”, she thought, which she realized had been thinly veiled by the other words they’d used.             Marcia was dismayed.   She hadn’t realized she was perceived...

     One of the biggest issues for managers in conducting performance appraisals is actually doing them.  They hate it!  They'd rather go get a tooth pulled--without anesthesia.  Why?  I've been told it's because they don't know how to give people negative feedback.  They anticipate some ugliness will ensue when they tell somebody they aren't up to par in their job performance.  Most likely this will happen if the manager feels uncomfortable doing this type of sensitive task, especially if she's experienced it before.  The issue is not as much about having to give the feedback as it is that she's probably done it before in the wrong way.  That's why she gets push-back and defensiveness.  In order to squash being gun-shy about performance appraisals, I would challenge managers to learn to evaluate to motivate .  Here's how:      Use the appraisal as a tool to coach your people to success.  Rat...

     Whether you're in front of a large crowd as a presenter, a small group in a staff meeting at work, or one on one with an acquaintance, what you say shapes how they view you.  Here are a few pitfalls.  If your story, presentation or conversation has no meat, no real substance most of the time, you will be viewed as superficial.  They'll think, Well here comes this dude.  I'd better get ready to hear a whole bunch about nothing.  If your train of thought is akin to getting lost in the woods with no compass, then others will think, Do I really have enough time to listen to this woman shift her focus ten times before she gets to her point?  If your word choices are inaccurate and misplaced, people may think you lack a certain level of competence, intelligence, and/or credibility.  You may not.  But you certainly come across that way.  If it's not reflective of who you really are, then you have to represent yourself differ...

     Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and they were talking a lot but saying nothing?  At least nothing you wanted to hear.  The content was superficial, the attempt at humor was weak, and fumbling around for the right words was distracting.  You've been there--trying desperately to make a way of escape.  Don't get me wrong.  Shooting the breeze is cool.  I'm all for it.  Nobody's in any particular rush.  The scene is laid back.  Maybe you want to engage in mindless conversation because you've been thinking too hard and too long all day at work.  So a little friendly banter or casual discussion is perfectly acceptable.      However.  When you find that nearly all of the conversations you have with certain people lack substance and are downright boring, then you search for ways to avoid or skirt them.  Especially when you're short on time.  You go in another directi...

     I was coaching a director once who had one of her supervisors quit abruptly.  She complained that the supervisor hardly did what she'd asked her to anyway so "good riddance".  She met with me to try to brainstorm some ideas around how to engage employees better.  As she spoke for about five to eight minutes uninterrupted, I noticed something that might lend itself to the reason why the supervisor rarely did what was asked of her and quite possibly why she left.  The director's comments went like this:  "I've been thinking about some things that I think will help my team...I'm not quite sure if they'll buy it, but...well before I tell you that, I was thinking...I just want to have you as a sounding board.  Sometimes it's so difficult to get it all out...let me know if you agree with this...I haven't tried it yet, but...be frank in your feedback because I want to make sure...you know what I'm saying?"  In short, the answer was ...

    This week my 11-year-old son revealed to me through casual conversation that another student at his middle school cursed him out.  He says the kid called him a m----- f----- and a b---h.  I wasn't all that shocked by what I heard because both he and my elementary school-aged daughter say they hear kids cursing at school almost daily.  How sad is that?  I was angered, however, by the level of disrespect the other kid showed my son.  My son is a low-key, laid back, reserved kind of child.  He doesn't ruffle other people's feathers; neither does he let much get under his skin.  So I was immediately ticked off to hear him tell me as an aside that this other child had said these hateful things to him.  I asked him what he did when the boy said it, and he said nothing.  He just ignored him.  I asked him how it made him feel, he said it didn't matter.  I was glad he didn't react to that kind of foolishness, but I was als...

Wow!  October was a busy month of speaking engagements.  As much as I love being in front of a crowd, I always relish a brief break.  Breaks give us a chance to step back for a minute and review our performance.  It offers us opportunity to think about how we can be better, learn more, take a different approach.  When speaking publicly or training, I often distribute evaluations after sessions to get feedback on my delivery.  If I don't get the chance, I always ask the host who invited me to share the results of evaluations they've taken during the events.  I don't get disturbed by one or two critical comments because as we all know, you can't please everyone.  I listen to the consensus of the group.  If, overall, people are pleased, then so am I.  However, I'm always looking to improve.  Based on what I've learned and what I've witnessed in other speakers, I'll share three things that make the difference in delivering a great prese...