Skip to main content

Taunting: It's All Bullying

     The latest communications debacle comes via the poor decisions made by Miami Dolphins player Richie Incognito to let his mouth run while his brain stopped.  Apparently, he's done so on a number of occasions, and they have cost him dearly.  I've heard the story about his upbringing and how he, too, was bullied as a child.  Though I'm sure that was a difficult and disheartening experience for him in his elementary school years, it doesn't give him a pass on perpetuating the same hatred he endured.  In fact, I would think anyone who has first-hand knowledge of the pain inflicted on someone's self-esteem when they are taunted, called names, and verbally abused would have the opposite effect.  They wouldn't want to perpetrate the pain; they'd want to eliminate it.
     Being verbally abusive and threatening is unacceptable in any setting.  I don't care if the person is 6'5, 375 lbs., and has an arrest record for battery.  Human beings don't have to denigrate each other to, to...to what?  How do you finish that sentence?  What's the purpose in being loud and angry and threatening and offensive?  I don't see any value in it.  What's the yield?  Making the other person feel bad?  Then what?  So what?  Regardless of the dismissive comments I've heard around this story, bullying is NOT the game of football.  It may be the misguided culture of the profession and/or the League, but it has nothing to do with the game.  If you're an outstanding player, then do all of your talking on the field.  Which, by the way, based on the Miami Dolphins current weak performance record of 4-4, they're not talking, they're stuttering.
     So let's make this personal.  Are you a perpetrator of negative comments?  Consider your words.  Do you taunt?  Taunting is a remark made in order to anger, wound, or provoke someone.  More specifically, the constant badgering of another person about something personal.  It might be about how they look.  It might be about how they perform on the job or some other aspect of what they feel they do well.  It might be within a relationship (i.e. marriage) where one spouse is always demeaning the other.  Snide comments.  Accusations.  Harsh judgments.  Criticisms.  When they become the common language in how you deal with an individual, that's taunting.  It's also harassment.  And at some point, that person is going to get enough of it.  Regardless of what the repercussions are, they will be bad.  And so unnecessary.  Let me chime in with what I'm sure you've probably already heard from that individual--STOP IT ALREADY!!! Back off.  Leave them alone.  Stop being a bully.  It's too revealing on your part.  And what does it reveal?  The breadth of your stupidity and the depth of your insecurities.  They make you look like the real loser at the end of it all.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

What It Means to Speak Truth to Power

     "Speaking truth to power" has become a common phrase to use when speaking about truth and/or power in a discussion that encourages courageous discourse on controversial matters.  It is an old phrase coined back in the 1950s by the Quakers and is defined as "a non-violent political tactic, employed by dissidents against the received wisdom or propaganda of governments they regard as oppressive, authoritarian or an ideocracy." (Wikipedia)      I've heard it overused in a lot of ways and not with a clear purpose in its meaning within the context of what was being spoken.  We latch onto certain words and phrases as language goes in and out of style on almost a monthly basis.  In this current generation, there seems to be a new word or phrase created daily and then abandoned when they become overused like worn out sneakers from last year's fall collection.  But words have staying power even if you get tired of hearing the...

A Dozen Ways to Tell Your Boss No

     In basically every training class I do on communications, I get people who are reluctant to manage up.  In a few cases, the direct, decisive communicators establish early on in the relationship their boundaries and preferences to their boss.  Those bosses who can respect other people's limits tend to listen without feeling threatened or disrespected.  But generally, workers tend to treat their superiors as demigods and themselves as powerless servants who shouldn't speak up for fear that they'd be punished for having an opinion or for pushing back in areas where they are overwhelmed or uncomfortable.  I get asked, "What do I do when my manager piles all of this work on me, and I can't get it done by his unreasonable deadlines?"  Among other things like how they manage their time, I usually ask if they've had a discussion with their manager about their workload.  The common response:  "Oh noooo, I can't do that.  He's the b...

How to Stop Interruptions in Conversations

     So you're sitting in a meeting, and you begin to answer a question that has been directed toward you by your boss.  You get through about half of your response when a colleague jumps in and offers his take and essentially silences you.  There is evidence that if you are a woman, this will happen to you more often than if you are a man, and it's likely to happen to you by both genders.      Interruptions in communications like this happen all the time whether you're in a group offering your opinion or one-on-one sharing a story.  Regardless of the setting, we all find it annoying and rude.  These disruptions of dialogue hamper thought processes, contribute to misunderstandings, and devalue people's input.  So what do we do when they keep happening to us?  A few worthy suggestions can be found in Kathryn Vasel's article,  "Next time someone interrupts you in a meeting, try this" .      But what...